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26 April 2006 @ 07:28 pm
Waiting for God...  
Reading David Icke's book "Infinite Love is the Only Truth, Everything else is Illusion" today, I wondered to myself just how longer I can stay as I am. It is not merely that his words resonate with me, it is - more importantly - that I know deep down the truths he is relaying. How could I not? For a while, I lived these truths, breathed them, used them to experience something that, by most people's standards, was incredible.

Such a deep knowing cannot lay dormant forever ...there is a button inside me, awaiting my pushing of it. However, when I push it I know there will be no going back. As such I have to be careful when to make that choice. Which is why I can't do this just yet, despite wanting to - there is still some fear left in me. I must first transcend my weaknesses before I can even consider transcending anything else. Otherwise, my very livelihood is put in jeopardy.

I can't have that.

The future, nevertheless, remains an exciting frontier. Returning to what I coined "The Zone" will be fascinating: the opportunity to explore it once again, to this time understand it better, to make amends for the previous times I entered it and had failed. To do it right this time.

I guess I'm tired of endless discussion, talk - tired of being a slave. And while I might be on the outskirts of the field, the latent ability to spring over the gate on stand-bye - I'm still one of the herd regardless. Getting up-to-date on the situation, waking-up again, re-understanding the ridiculous bullshit that pervades this world - makes me want to jump now.

It really is that simple - there is no middle ground, as I know from the last time. You either go down this path totally; with complete adherence, complete devotion, self-confidence and practice, or you don't. You're either a separated element of the one consciousness, acting in such a way, or you're Joe Bloggs: playing your Playstation 2 and munching Doritos. Timing is everything.

When I think back to 2004... the magic, the love - the sheer possibility I felt... I am consumed by something altogether profound. I am so looking forward to being back there again....

 
 
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
 
 
 
Matt: ratfunkdrakotah on April 27th, 2006 03:55 am (UTC)
Sometimes you scare me Ryan.

This IS one of those times.